Marianne Ham was so excited when she saw Machu Picchu, the historic Incan ruins around Peru, that she pulled out her cell phone on the top in the mountain and called her husband back in Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania. She wished to share the encounter with him and detailed the stunning sights.

When she was done talking, her hubby, Bill, had one thing to talk about: "Do you have the telephone number for the electrical engineer?"

"It ended up being so typical," says Ms. Ham, a 72-year-old retired advertising media director who's been married 35 years. "I was expressing one thing and his mind was elsewhere."

There really are only 2 kinds of individuals in the world: talkers and non-talkers. (You know what type you are.) Logically, most everything would be perfect if the talkers wedded exclusively the non-talkers. But that's not always the case, because many non-talkers are also non-listeners-they simply tune out your chatter. And frustration about communication styles may be raised in this era of technological know-how. Now that we have more means than ever before to connect, some people have never felt less noticed.

I have a good friend who states that I talk an excessive amount. He is probably not wrong-I speak for far longer stretches of time than he can stand to listen. Consequently he has a plan: He proposed, half jokingly, that we connect by voicemail and texting. "It's shorter that way," he explained. I've got bad news for him: That is not likely to work for me personally. But his negotiation over how we can best converse does raise an interesting issue: Non-talkers command the dialogue. When they're done listening, the discussion is over.

Consider the Macalusos, from Webster, N.Y. Susan loves to talk - a lot. Rob does not. "You could be keen on talking all night, but if I am just not interested, it is not gonna come about," affirms Rob, 30, head of a telecommunications equipment corporation.

In the evening in bed, when Ms. Macaluso enjoyably chats away about her day, her hubby often falls asleep, despite propping himself up with pillows and keeping the light on. On more than one occasion, right after a cellphone call with him gets dropped, she has yammered away for an additional 2 or 3 minutes, not aware that he is not there until eventually he calls back on another line. And ever so often, she becomes so exasperated by way of his silence that she pretends to talk for him, in a lower voice, simply to pick up some opinions.

"He doesn't tell me to get to the point because he understands it will be a major insult," affirms Ms. Macaluso, 43, a homemaker. Says her husband: "I made the mistake of telling my spouse to speed up - just once. She then started over, plus made me sit down through the entire thing all over again."

Do women talk more than males? Not necessarily, of course. Some men are significant gabbers, just as some women are silent types. However, the stereotype that females talk more in comparison with men holds fairly true.

You will discover environmental reasons - many men are usually brought up never to reveal their inner thoughts. But biology plays a surprisingly strong part also. There is evidence that women's and men's brains process language in different ways, according to Marianne Legato, a cardiologist and creator of the Partnership for Gender-Specific Medication at New York's Columbia University. She says that listening to, comprehending and producing dialog may be easier for women because they possess more nerve cells in the left half from the brain, which can be used to process language, a greater level of connectivity among the 2 parts of the brain plus much more of the neurotransmitter dopamine within the part of the brain that controls language.

Although capacity to understand and process language diminishes in both men and women as we grow older, it will happen sooner for men (after age 35) in comparison with women (post-menopause). Women also obtain a boost of oxytocin, that feel-good hormone, when they talk to others, and estrogen elevates its effects. While men understand this as well, androgenic hormone or testosterone blunts its influences." This makes sense from an evolutionary point of view - men can not protect their families once they are mired with substantial degrees of a hormone which compels them to make close friends of all that they meet," says Dr. Legato, publisher of "Why Adult Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget." "Thus, males in their prime with high amounts of testosterone are the least likely to be serious about social exchanges and bonding to others."

Naturally, we don't require scientific studies to tell us that both males and females communicate differently. Ask Taylor Keeney about his "word imbalance" theory. "Some women generally possess a word quota," states the 44-year-old pilot from Apex, N. D. "They need to express so many phrases to their mate per day."

Just for ease of accounting, he places that amount at 1,000 words per day. Males, he states, normally are capable of hearing about 750 of these words. That is, when the woman hits 750, the the man's eyes glaze over. She then goes straight into "angry storage setting," saving words for the following day. This cycle can be repeated indefinitely, with the woman storing up words until finally she gets a chance to express them.

"It is not pretty and may conclude negatively for all those concerned," says Mr. Keeney. "Phrases like, 'You never pay attention to me' or 'We never talk anymore' are uttered. Guys give the 'I simply got home and all I'd like to do is relax' as a defense. Definitely not good."

Mr. Keeney has come up with a remedy: texting. "Something as basic as a text of "DCA LUMU" ("Landed within D. C., Love You, Miss You") or perhaps "GMB" ("Good Morning, Beautiful)" are fast but extremely effective at letting your soulmate understand that you are thinking of them," he says. "And all words count against the quota." His spouse of 3 years agrees - to a point. "It has to be both quality and amount," affirms Margit Sylvester, 39, an executive associate.

So what's the answer? Should talkers befriend only talkers? Probably the best solution is to locate an individual who precisely complements your talking style. And so, for example, if you want to talk 75% of enough time, you need to find somebody who is comfortable listening 75% of that time period and talking only a quarter of it. J

eff Foote states that he was attracted to his companion of 17 years mainly because he talks two times as much as she does. "It's less work for me personally," claims Mr. Foote, 53, a project manager for a San Francisco financial institution.

Still, this individual admits that he does not constantly pay attention. Sometimes he's been reading and just can't change gears fast enough. "The conversation has already began, but I can't keep up to date," he pronounces. "If I'm fortunate, I don't get trapped."

Regretfully, he frequently does - because his partner gives him pop quizzes on what he has been saying. "Twenty-five percent of the time I can link enough of the key phrases and guess correctly" says Mr. Foote.

His companion, Cosgrove Norstadt, has seen his quizzes backfire. "I discover he has been listening the entire time, and I'm embarrassed for the reason that I have been yammering on about nothing in the expectation of catching him not paying attention." states Mr. Norstadt, 47, an actor. "So, I enhance his decision to tune me out."